I can't believe I have no friends still. No...wait...yes I can belive, because I don't have any!!!! I know I should just go join a club or sometthing, but anyone who knows me knows that I am extremely shy and untrusting of people. Well maybe not the whole untrusting of poeple part, I've kept that relatively well hidden over the years. But the truth is out now. I belive that everyone in the world thinks I'm fat and ugly and should be hit by a bus as soon as possible... even my own family. Even though I conciously know that it isn't true, my sub-consious knows that I'm lying.

And thus I find myself in a very distructive catch twenty-two. I don't trust people, so I can't make friends, but the thing I want more then anything in the entire world is friends. Damn. But for those worried souls, no, I am not planning to hurt myself. You got that. I am NOT planning to do harm unto myself, or others for that matter. No, I am content to wallow in my own missery, alone in my room.

I am seeking out help at the moment. The only unfortunate thing is that my college only offers 6 free therapy sessions to those students who decided to waive the college's helth insurance in favor of an outside insurer, and unfortunately I am one of those students. I have already used 4 of them and will be attending the 5th tomorrow.

Soon I'll have to find another therapist.

Damn.